Sandy's Latest Funnies
This is the new funny thread.
post away but there are some new rules.
no bad language. If you take the time to mark through a word cover it completely,if you can still read the word it’s not covered enough.
no nudity at all.
no political post.
no racist post
keep it clean.
If you violate any of these rules you will be given 1 warning. 2nd time 5 day time out. 3rd time 30 days.
thanks
Xd357
post away but there are some new rules.
no bad language. If you take the time to mark through a word cover it completely,if you can still read the word it’s not covered enough.
no nudity at all.
no political post.
no racist post
keep it clean.
If you violate any of these rules you will be given 1 warning. 2nd time 5 day time out. 3rd time 30 days.
thanks
Xd357
1 - 20 of 34856 Posts
This may be sung a little more after the stay at home order.
Power steering on our rescue unit with the VFD went out. Yesterday was my first time to drive it since it went out. The one who drove it to the wreck didn't feel like turning around in the middle of the highway and I said I would. Don't need a workout for the rest of the month now.
Learned to drive on a 69 Ford F100 with manual steering. My friends made fun of the large steering wheel but it gave you the leverage to steer it. When the power steering goes out on a vehicle with a small steering wheel it makes a big difference.Funniest thing I ever drove was a late 40’s Chevy 2 ton truck that had the starter button in the floor along with the other pedals, got to drive it to the dump to unload, loved it!
| Helpful tools for the shop | |
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| WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench at the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...." ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. HACK SAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. ANGLE GRINDER: Used to expose your inadequacy as a welder. Also useful for removing excess (or non-excess) skin. CIRCULAR SAW: Handy tool used for cutting through the power cords of circular saws. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your coffee or beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying. VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. Also used to squeeze objects together until the JB Weld sets up. Special design forces JB Weld out of joint, causing object being held to be JB Weld'ed to the Vise Grips. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a tractor to the ground after you have installed your new brake bands, trapping the jack handle firmly under the rear tire. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a tractor upward off a hydraulic jack handle. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood and metal splinters. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbors to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog or horse sh** off your boot. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in the bolt hole you are trying to extract the stud from. It is designed to be ten times harder than any known drill bit TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle. TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under engines and tractors at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading but may have predictive value. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last overtightened 58 years ago by someone at the Allis Chambers or John Deere factory and neatly rounds off their heads. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50¢ part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts near the object we are trying to hit. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Can also be inadvertently used on fingers and the palm of your hand immediately preceding shaking blood all over your shirt and the floor while expressing deleted expletives. |
1 - 20 of 34856 Posts
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