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5,486 Posts
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic's shop to have his truck fixed...
they couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem...how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?”

The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'

'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.'

· Premium Member
5,486 Posts
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman." The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box." The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!" The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!"

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5,486 Posts
Two guys sitting in a bar talking.

One asks the other what his name is.

He says Harvey.

The first guy say what is your last name?

Second guy says he doesn`t have one any more.

First guy asks what he means.

Second guy says when I was younger my name was Harvey Dingaling. Lots of people made fun of it. So I was determined to show everyone that I was really intelligent.

I applied to dental school and got my degree. Now I was Harvey Dingaling DDS. After doing dental work for a few years I got bored and wanted something more challenging.

So I went to medical school and received a degree in medicine and became an MD.

Then I was Harvey Dingaling DDS, MD.

After setting up a practice I met this very nice looking young lady and we began to date. Unbeknown to me she had VD and I got infected from her.

When the ADA found out about my condition they took my DDS license.

That left me just Harvey Dingaling, MD.

Then the AMA found out I was infected and rescinded my MD degree.

Now I was Harvey Dingaling.

Then the VD took my dingaling and now I am just Harvey!
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